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A friend once told me :
The happiest people don't have the best of everything but make the best of everything they have!
In our Journey to Life, We always strive for the best and still hungry for more.... But hey, Having everything doesn't guarantee happiness...

So in My Own Journey... I try to make the best of everything God have bless unto me....



Friday, March 20, 2009

Love isn't for everybody!

Cupid is back to work!

Though he is still not feeling good, he have no choice but to return to work! He have to spread love all over the world 'coz Love is what makes the world go round!


But how he can spread love when he don’t feel love in his heart? :o

Cupid is tired! Like lovers, his heart is breaking too whenever he sees a bleeding heart.

One saddy morning, he pointed his bow to heaven and throw arrows as many he can... aiming to nothingness...

"Go and spread love! Go wherever you want! Just spread love! I am tired guiding people.. coz no matter what I do.. still at the end, they would only break my heart along with their hearts", Cupid was almost screaming these words while throwing his arrows..



Cupid didn’t even bother to wipe the tears that are freely flowing from his eyes… his heart is broken seeing how people wasted the love he had given to them… His heart is filled with sorrow and pains.

He keep on throwing arrows of hearts to the air until he got tired and fed up.

Maybe, love isn't really for everybody, Cupid cried in vain.



maybe there is really no need for a CUPID!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Lilian's 29th Birthday :-P

Weeeei :P... We are all getting younger... huh.. older I mean :P...

Lilian just turned 29 last February 23 and we celebrated it a day early coz Feb. 23 falls on Monday ;)… Soon it would be me who would turn 29.. Bwuhuhuhu :c… I don’t wanna go older … I wish people starts at being old and go younger as years passes by :o :D...

Anyway, here are the snaps on her birthday... as usual... only me and Marivic were her birthday guest :p... good thing i tag along Maryfel to make a crowd :D...

Please bear with me on the photo resolution :c



Cake from Marivic :D..

Some of the foods...


Lilian killing the poor fish :o :D..


Finish product :-P..



Its so refreshing meeting them again after a long time… We all had a long talk full of laughing and teasing to each other… just like old days :L… so we made the most of our time being together… and took a lots of photo memoirs :D ..



Marivic and Lilian



Maryfel, Marivic and Lilian... I could have been in the picture.. if only I am not the photographer :D


Ganging up for the cam :D


And another :P


We dont look happy.. aren't we? :P

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Letting You Go

(I never heard the song :P... but I kinda like the lyrics... and it goes something like this :P)


Faktion - Letting You Go
Album: Faktion

The things that make us deep
Are the things that we don't speak
Well, you and I
We don't feel like we used to
Every day's a memory gone by
What they are to me
Too many words to ever speak
So I'm here inside
And I'm still alive

Chorus:
How do we make it all real
I just can't decide
I want to know you for a while
Instead of letting you go again
I can't be stuck here forever, you know
I'm on fire, I am
I'm letting you know
I'm letting you go
I watch you go

The things that bring us together
Only wait to tear us apart
Time goes passing over us

We get lost within our hearts
And nobody ever can remember
How we got there strong or not
We've gone limber and bent ourselves
Towards our differences now
Pulling us apart

Repeat Chorus

They always try to tell you
You'll be aright in time
But what do they know
They're just another
That's missing something on the inside

And how we'll ever be
Better than a memory
Is the question
You will ask me
You will ask me in your dreams

In your dreams
You will ask me in your dreams
I will see you in your dreams

Repeat Chorus

Friday, January 23, 2009

MY UNTITLED PAIN

Today while deleting unnecessary file in my PC... I came across to this poem which I have written almost a year ago, January 31, 2008 to be exact.. And it goes something like this ;)


► English Version

I wake up feeling so lonely today
It has been a long time since I felt this way
It’s almost two years that pass by
And I thought I have taken you out of my mind

There again the feeling of emptiness
The feeling of longing for you
I hate myself for feeling this way
Is there something that could take this away?

The pain is slowly coming back
And it is tearing my soul apart
All effort of getting over you is in vain
Is there something that could remove this pain?

I have never mourn for my dead heart
And now it is crying out loud
Should I shed tear for you?
Tell me, is that what can heal this wound?


►Tagalog Version :P

Gumising akong puno ng kalungkutan ngayon
Matagal na rin ng huli ko itong naradaman
Kulang dalawang taon na rin ang lumipas
At buong akala ko’y naalis na kita sa aking isipan

Andito na naman ang pakiramdan ng kawalan
Ang pakiramdam na hinahanap hanap ka
Galit ako sa aking sarili dahil dyan
Mayroon bang paraan upang ito’y mawala?

Ang sakit ay unti unting bumabalik
At hinahati nito ang aking kaluluwa
Anumang gawin upang limotin kay walang saysay
Mayroon bang paraan upang ang sakit ay maglaho?

Di ako kailanman nagdalamhati sa pagkamatay ng aking puso
At ngayon ito ay nagsusumigaw sa sakit
Dapat bang lumuha ako para sa iyo?
Sabihin mo, ito ba ang hihilom sa sugatang puso ko?

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

My Myers-Briggs Personality Assessment Result

I have taken this today, January 21, 2009… and here is the result :)


My personality type is Introversion, Sensing, Feeling, Perceiving(ISFP)



Summary

Retiring, quietly friendly, sensitive, kind, modest about their abilities. Shun disagreements; do not force their opinions or values on pothers. Usually do not care to lead but are often loyal followers. Often relaxed about getting things done because they enjoy the present moment and do not want to spoil it by undue haste or exertion.


Detailed Result

ISFPs direct their energy towards the inner world of thoughts and emotions. They give importance to particular beliefs or opinions, particularly those that relate to people that they know and current experiences. They tend to take a caring and sensitive approach to others.


What makes an ISFP tick?
The Dominant function is the judging one of Feeling. Characteristics associated with this function include:
• Makes decisions on the basis of personal values
• Is appreciative and accepting of people - enjoying company and seeking harmony
• Assesses the impact of decisions on others, being sympathetic or compassionate
• Takes a personal approach

The judging Feeling function is introverted. That is, Feeling is used primarily to govern the inner world of thoughts and emotions. The ISFP will therefore:
• develop an inner emotional life that is often unseen to others, but is experienced as intense
• retain a strong sense of values, which are often not expressed
• emotionally accept or reject various aspects of life - for example, deciding whether praise or criticism received is valid and, at extreme, ignoring whatever is unacceptable
• feel appreciation towards others, but not express it

The Feeling function is primarily supported by extraverted Sensing perception, That is, Sensing perception is used primarily to manage the outer world of actions and spoken words. This will modify the way that the Feeling is directed, by:
• focusing the (inner world) Feeling on current relationships and people, e.g.: through one-to-one discussions and fact-based conversation
• seeking to enjoy the company of those they know, and being concerned for their well-being and happiness
• helping people in practical ways

The classic temperament of an ISFP is Dionesian, or Sanguine, for whom freedom from constraint is a basic driving force - seeking to enjoy the present.


Contributions to the team of an ISFP
In a team environment, the ISFP can contribute by:
• solving problems as they arise, especially ones concerning people
• generating team spirit through promoting co-operation, and engendering a quiet sense of fun
• ensuring the well-being of team members
• being accurate and observant about facts, without putting too much interpretation on them
• modelling flexibility - e.g.: suggesting his/her own ideas, but being considerate of others points of view and going with the majority
• paying attention to the people side of the problem


The potential ways in which an ISFP can irritate others include:
• being too concerned with harmony in the group
• not pushing the ISFP's own ideas and contribution enough
• being stubborn over issues the group did not anticipate being a problem
• avoiding conflict and not giving forthright criticism when it is needed
• focusing so much on interpersonal issues that cost and other impersonal considerations are not adequately addressed
• perhaps failing to take a longer term view
• taking people at face value and not recognising underlying motives


Personal Growth

As with all types, the ISFP can achieve personal growth by developing all functions that are not fully developed, through actions such as:
• being prepared to declare the ISFP's personal values
• interpreting the facts they observe to reveal hidden meanings
• undertaking a critical appraisal of a situation or person, and expressing disagreement or criticism when it could be of value to the recipient
• establishing a long term goal, developing a outline plan for achieving it, and working towards it
• listing options and undertaking a formal process of evaluation against criteria, including a cost benefit analysis


Recognising Stress

As stress increases, 'learned behaviour' tends to give way to the natural style, so the ISFP will behave more according to type when under greater stress. For example, in a crisis, the ISFP might:
• concentrate on what the ISFP sees as important
• work alone if possible
• act impulsively and take risks
• fail to consider the cost implications


ISFP’s careers

Secretary, Librarian, Sales, Accountant/auditor/banker/economist, Administrator
Teacher

Sunday, January 18, 2009

I refuse to be distress!!

:O :D :O :D :O :D :O :D :O :D :O :D :O :D

I refuse to distress myself by nonsense people... so please dont try it anymore.. you would only fail!

That is my shout out in my Orkut Profile today!! :D


Its because of a scrap which me and La received last night from an old common friend, Abdul, and so i thought that he was a friend. The scrap was written in an Urdu Language.

I was about to sleep last night when I thought of checking my Orkut scrapbook. There I saw Abdul's scrap! The moment I saw it I know there is something wrong with the message. So I sent an sms to my friend Bullet in Pakistan and ask him to translate the message. His reply "Its an abusive word Yaar, who told u that?". The moment I read his reply, my head feels like it is going to explode with questions of WHY?????? :#...

Abdul is such a nice friend. He never treated me and La in any bad way before. He even said before that me and La were his closest friend. The last time I had contact with him was months ago. I lost my mobile phone and wasn't able greet him last New Year holiday but still my last communication with him was a good one so his scrap was really a ghastly surprise for me and for La :@.

I wont be posting here anymore what was Abdul's message meaning as it is really one of the most abusive word anyone can speak of!

I refuse to distress myself by nonsense people...

That's is the most perfect thought I can only say about this incident! Truth is I got distress upon knowing what he have just scrap after the friendship I have given to him! Truth is I only feel regret coz I have wasted time worrying every time he ask me to call him in a thought that he are having some problem! Truth is I am disappointed to myself for not knowing that this will happen :(!


Anyway, I refuse to distress myself by nonsense people!. So I will not think of this again. Let this serve as another lesson for me to learn.

I am not a Perfect Girl!!

I'm not a perfect girl!
My hair most often out of place,
I cant wear make-up properly
Without smudging it first all over my face..

I'm not a perfect girl!
Though I tried to do things carefully,
I still spill a lot of things,
Coz clumsy is my second name!

I'm not a perfect girl!
Though I tried to enjoy girl's vanity,
I still walk like a man in a rush hour,
And speak like them when rude!

I'm not a perfect girl!
Though I love my friends so much,
I sometimes fight with them,
and maybe some days nothing goes right.

Oh I wish to be a perfect girl!
But looking back on it,
I realize thats what makes my life most worth living
and that maybe... just maybe ..

I like being an Imperfect Girl!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Im Sick and in Pain!!!

Yes, I'm Sick! Not only physically but mentally too :#.

Physically, I am having a flu :(...

Mentally, I am emotionally tired. My heart and mind is beaten and battered. Just this morning I received another heart breaking message from my Mom. She said, my Dad aren't going home anymore since January 6. What a way to start our new year :@. I don't know how men's mind work but one thing I know that is for sure, Most of the men in my family are a bunch of stupid and unfaithful creatures. Oh My God :c, I love them all so dearly but I don't understand how they were able to hurt people who love them most :#. Why they couldn't see that indirectly they are hurting all the girls in our family. Why they couldn't protect us with all this pain? :(.. I'm sure my sister now thinks the same way as I do. I just hope this nightmare end soon coz the pain in my heart is enough to kill me :c.

Sometimes it pains me a lot to pull a good smile in front of others while my heart is crying out loud inside and mocking me for smiling and pretending that things are all alright. I thought long ago that I am used to this set up, but I realize now that as time passes by... It is burning my heart and soul in pain... I feel like breaking down inside... I feel like running away from all this anguish... I dont know anymore what to do... Should I start facing reality now :(..

Oh God! Please help me get through this :y... only You can end this nightmare in my family. Please do it soon :(

Thursday, January 8, 2009

Another Year of Hope (2009)

As I reflect on my life, I realize most of my time were wasted :o. My life seems to be going no where. Love, Career, Family, Friends and others, seems all were shattered in the year of 2008. What makes me say that? Ok, let me enumerate what are the bad things that happen in year 2008 :(..

Love... still zero :D
Career.. still zero progress :(
Family.. from bad gone to worst :(
Friends.. ok, this one is not outright bad coz I have met many new friends but what hurts is the death of one real friend :(
Others... Its too many to mention :D


Anyway, I am writing this to set goals for myself for year 2009. It is anyway a year with Another of Hope for all of us. Here are my hopes for year 2009:

Love... I dont hope much... in God's will.. I know he will come :).
Career... I should change company, if not work abroad at least work near home :).
Family.. Once, I am able to work near home. I'll be watching more of them. Help Mom to guide the lost brother :D.
Friends... I'll try to be more in touch with my high school friends near home ;).
Others... L'll lessen everything that I have overdo in the year 2008 :D.


Thats all for now ;)...

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

All Because You Kissed Me Goodnight

(After reading one friend’s blog, poems from my college literature class sunk in to my head…which made me post one of my 2 favorite poems in his blog as a comment, “We Wear the Mask”… And this is the other poem I like.. Read along so you will know why :)…)

I apologized to all of you coz I don’t know the name of the poem’s writer :(….



All Because You Kissed Me Goodnight


I climbed the door and opened the stairs
Said my pajamas and pull on my prayers
Then turned off the bed and crawled into the light
All because you kissed me goodnight

Next morning I woke and scrambled my shoes
Polished my eggs and toasted the news
I couldn't tell my left from my right
All because you kissed me goodnight

That evening at last I felt normal again,
So I picked up my mother and called up the phone
I spoke to the puppy and threw Dad a bone
Even at midnight the sun was still bright
All because you kissed me goodnight.

Monday, December 1, 2008

Better Head or Better Heart!

In my desire to take away my pain, I follow what others often say.. If you got hurt coz of love, The best remedy is too fall in love AGAIN!

My hearts says I am not ready yet.. I know I wont be able to give my heart again and trust it to another man.. But this time I decided to follow my head.. Once, I followed my heart and it only brought me pain :(..

Maybe I have a better head than heart.. And so I thought!

I tried to entertain a new offer of love hoping that it will come to me too as time goes by. But I was wrong! After almost a year of playing hide and seek with him (I am hiding while he keep on seeking for me), I realized that I am not worthy for him.. Not because I am better than him.. But because I couldn't give him the same love he have for me. I know I had been unfair to him, using him as my ESCAPE GOAT from pain.. I couldn't go on anymore realizing that fact.. I will just be bringing both of us in a lifetime of misery...

I said goodbye to him through an sms.. He have tried to talk to me. But I refuse to.. I just dont want him to change my mind...

Now, I dont know if I have a better head or a better heart.. Coz on both ways.. I failed!

A Recollection!

After losing in my first bet in the so called LOVE, I have tried so hard to ignore the pain that is slowly killing me inside. I kept a happy face in front of my Mom whenever she tired to asked me on what really happens. I have too much pride in me that I don't want even my Mom to see that I am a loser. I longed to run and cry to her lap and share my pains like I used to do when I was still a little girl. But No! I just couldn't do that :(. The proud me says 'I could continue living as if nothing happen' while the loser side of me is crying out loud, screaming in pain. For a couple of months, I look like a boxer waiting for the ring anchor to announce who is the winner.. Keeping a winning face and hoping that it would be him despite of its already black and blue wounded face :(..

I am not sure now if I can call it an act of bravery or I am really just a coward and afraid to let other people see that I am not better than them, that I also cry when get hurt and that I also scream when in pain. Not once did I cry in front of my friends or to anybody, but inside the four corners of my room.. there you can hear my whimper of pain.. In my pillow, there you can see the traces of my tears :(..

Its been more than 2 years since I last cried on it.. But remembering those days can still make me feel gloomy until now.. I have move on or not.. That, I do not know!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

My Tears!

(Gee! Its already 10 in the morning and I am still in the bus on the way to jobsite :(.. I wonder how come my Boss had all those patience on me after giving him lousy excuses on my tardiness :o..Anyway, this is not about my tardiness :p.. I am getting bored now in the bus.. :(..)



i am lousy in saying Goodbye! Yeah, I suck on it to be blunt! I hate those tear jerking goodbye scene coz it only made one person looking more miserable.. I hate seeing people crying in front of the person who aggravate them coz it looks like they are the one at fault and begging!!!

Ooopps! Dont think that I am tough and that I don't cry coz it would be a big irony! I am a crying baby.. My tears fall easily.. I have just come to learn to hide it.. I have come to learn that no one is appreciating my tears at all :(..


I was on my 3rd year high school when my Mom told me that my Dad had an another child to another woman.. A boy as old as my younger brother! Hearing it make my tears fall uncontrollably :(.. I look at my Mom's face to ask questiƶns that were running in my young mind.. but it was void of emotion at that time.. My Dad comes in and saw me crying.. I hide my face from him but not before he saw my tears.. I could still remember what was his exact words when he saw my tears.. "Why are you crying?"... Hearing that question made me want to shout on his face and tell him that I am crying coz of the pain I am feeling inside.. Coz of the feeling of betrayal that is breaking my heart.. But I have choose to remain silent and wipe my tears away! The fact that he was unfaithful wont be able to change by my tears anyway!


I was 23 when I had my first boyfriend.. It lasted for 2 years and a half according to the calendar :p.. The first 2 years was sailing smoothly though 20 months in that 2 years were a long distance relationship. After I resign to the company where we first met.. He went back to their province.. A 4 hour trip from me.. So meeting him in the past 20 months was only for at least once or twice a month.. And as I have said earlier.. It was sailing smoothly for our first 2 years until one fateful day.. On one of his visit to me at our home.. He open the secrets in his closet that he had been keeping all along :(.. He was married and with 2 kids.. And was separated for 2 years before he met me :(.. The latter fact didnt comfort me a bit.. All I understand at that time was I've been betrayed again.. I've been fooled.. And I am a fool :(.. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.. Tears were flooding on my face.. I am bewildered on what he was telling me.. Why?? He look so true in front of my family.. my Mom adore him though I must say that my Dad dont like him.. I met his mother and sister more than a couple of times.. And still??? :(.. Again, for the second time in my life I end up feeling dumb trying to answer questions in my head.. I couldn't say a word and tell him the turmoil running in my mind.. I look at him and saw that he was on tears too :(.. I have longed to wipe his tears away and tell him that it is alright.. That I forgive him and continue like we were as if nothing happens :(.. But my hand is too short.. It only manage to wipe my own tears :(.. Anyway, my tears wont be able to change his past!

I am not saying I regret shedding all those tears coz from every drop of those tears.. That is where my strength now are coming from.. From those tears that is where I have learned so much in life.. From those tears that is where the BETTER ME came from :).. A better ME that knows more now who deserves my tears ;)

Gee, I am confused!

Yesterday, I attend a job interview for Abu Dhabi post as an Office Engineer :).. The interview went well based on the Employer's reaction.. Though some he don't agree on my demands for salary and other benefits :P... He discussed about the would be project that will start by January of next year.. And told me and may I quote "Your post will be as office engineer and probably u will start by January so you can spend Christmas and New Year with your family this year.. We will call you after a week for final offer".. Hearing words of spending Christmas and New Year with my family struck on my head :(.. Am I really ready to leave my home for greener pasture?

The night before that interview, I am in the turmoil of confusion if I would attend that interview or not.. Which at last I have end up falling asleep while thinking on it..

What brought the turmoil of confusion in my head?

Its because of the words of one of my orkut friend.. One of the sweetest I met in Orkut.. This old lady whose not only the number in her age that adding up as years go by but her sweetness too and the number of people who love her :).. A cheerful and lovable lady.. I call her my Nanay G ;) and Captain G to others in World Cruise Boat..

Sunday night when I last scrap her.. I ask her to bless me for my upcoming job interview :).. And this was her reply..

I will
i will
i will pray for u if that what will make u happy!


Thinking so much on her words, confuse me a lot :(.. Her simple words made my head turning 360 degrees.. Would I be really happy to go out of my country and leave my home and family for 2 years? Would I be really happy to work in a foreign land to earn more? It left me dumb trying to answer those questions :(..

Telling to my Mom the outcome of my interview only confuse me more.. After discussing to her the status and location of the project seems that she is scared for me too.. Considering that in previous months.. She is the only person at home that is anxious for me tn try to work abroad.. And now she is making a full turn!

Gee! What a real big confusion! :(..

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

REALIZATION

Ever since my Bestfriend died, I have met a lot of new friends.. Some were true to their friendship but most often were not.. Some of them run to you when they are sad and put you aside when they are feeling good… Some friends managed to daily drop by to say Hi then immediately say bye :O.. Some friends managed to make you smile even you are sad but never bothered to ask why you are sad :( …


Realizing now the cause of my restlessness this past few days, I guess its partly because I am expecting too much from those friends.. and had failed… Expectation of finding Best on them :( ... Unfair of me?.. Yes, I know that :((…


I don’t know if I will meet another Bestfriend who will care for me same way he took care of me.. Realizing this makes me more forlorn... I am just missing him terribly.. And no matter how much I tell to myself that I have moved on... I know I have not :( ... In this tough world, he is the only person whom I can snatched strength when I am weak.. the only person whom I can be a child again.. the only person whom I can throw my tantrums and still forgive me at the end of the day… maybe that’s why I called him Best :) …


People say that we all have one Soulmate in our lifetime.. and I guess I have met mine and then lost him :( … though losing him is a grief for me, I have come to accept (coz I have no more choice but accept it :(() that he is more better there in heaven.. where he would be free from sorrow and pains.. where worries have no place.. where all people are singing along with the Angels...



For my Best


video

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Olive Tree

Last Sunday’s mass hit me hard.. the priest sermon’s in his homily did it… its like a bomb that exploded in my head :f.. and until today.. it makes me wonder if I am also an Olive Tree.. :( … Which is already dying inside but still look greeny in the outside… No one knows it is long time dead coz physically it look so fine and healthy… I don’t want to die like an olive tree :( … But slowly, I am dying now… :c and no one knows it :x … only Best could have tell what I am feeling right now.. But Best is gone.. along with the Angels :y above…


I don’t want to die of sadness :( but I couldn’t help it.. In the middle of a crowd, I am laughing so loud but it feels so empty :c… Am I sick now and dying like an Olive tree?? :# ...

A Saddy Mownin'

I woke up sad today.. and I don’t know why :( … I am having attack of depression again… waaaaaaaah… :( Feels like something is wrong… something is missing.. and it scare the hell out of me... now I want to run and hide… Nooooo… :( I don’t want to entertain this thoughts.. This will only make me move backward… Huh?!! This must be because I am missing home again… It would be a month since I last go home… :( Yes.. this must be only reason…

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A FRIEND INDEED

I’ve been out of sight and out of mind
My head wander and been astray
Then you came along and offer your hand
You lift me up and show me the way

I’ve been hurt and badly beaten
My heart stop beating and it was almost dead
You came along and offer your shoulder
To let me cry and then wipe my tears

Now its’ my turn to say my thanks
How lucky I am for having you my friend
When time will come you’ll need a shoulder
Don’t be forlorn coz I am here.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

IN MY GRIEF

In my grief
I have forgotten I have a friend
I have not remember there is YOU
Who are willing to wipe away my tears.

In my grief
I have hurt you my friend
I run hiding in my own cocoon
And left you alone wandering where I am

In my grief
I ignore you calling my name
I have close my eyes for your need of a friend
And left you alone in your lament

After my grief
I look for where you are
But couldn’t find you anymore
Coz you grew tired waiting for me

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT

In the middle of the night
I saw you standing from a far
Looking at me forlornly
Is it because you’re missing me too?


In the middle of the night
Tears are falling from your eyes
Pain for leaving me alone in this world
Is all that written in your face


In the middle of the night
I run to where you are
Feel your warm embrace
And comfort me from my grief


In the middle of the night
I saw you walking towards the light
Away from me again
Leaving me crying out your name


In the middle of the night
I take away my life
For the unbearable pain of losing you
And so I can be with you again

NO MORE LOVE POEM

I wish to write a love poem
But I have forgotten how
I wish to write a love poem
But no words of love coming in my mind

I am trying to write a love poem
But my pen had run out of ink
I am trying to write a love poem
But all my paper is in waste bin


I guess there would be no more love poem from me
As I have no more love to share
I guess there would be no more love poem from me
As my heart have died along with you

Friday, August 15, 2008

ALONE IN THIS LIFETIME

Why you have to go and leave me in this manner?
You should have at least return my heart so I could continue living...
Even in your last breath,
You manage to break another promise...
And that is to be with me forever...


Tears will be forever falling from my eyes...
And until we meet again, My eyes wont Dry...
You should be here to see me hurting
To dry my tears that is mourning for you..


Now I am left alone in a lifetime of misery...
I will be living without my heart...
Coz you have bring it with you in your grave...
And I wont be complete again until we meet in the next life...
But in this lifetime, I AM ALONE...

Monday, August 4, 2008

In My Solitude...




Have you ever wake up in a morning and felt like you are so tired?
And no matter how much you tell to yourself that it’s a good morning but still you can’t even pull a smile in your face….

Have you ever laughed so loud and still felt like you are really not happy?
And no matter how much you convince yourself that you are happy but still tears are falling down on your face?

Have you ever been in a crowd and still felt like you are alone?
And no matter how wide the smile the people gave to you for throwing a really funny joke but still you felt loneliness….

Have you ever won a game and still felt unsuccessful?
And no matter how much they praise you for your success but still you felt emptiness…

Have you ever ask yourself why I am asking these questions today?
And would it matter to you if I told you that I am in need of a friend today?

Friday, July 25, 2008

A SLEEPY NIGHT

Phew! Kicking Dirt

Last night is a terrible night Frown . The ballast of one of our fluorescent lamp burn TNT after one of the girls who arrived late switched it on. We are all been awaken Tired by its burning smell and smoke inside the room Cottage . Good thing all have a sound mind and didn’t panic Bow Down . We all decided to call Telephone an electrician even at that wee hour Clock to repair the blasted lighting Magic Wand coz we know we wouldn’t be able to return sleep again knowing that there might be some effect on that still live wire. Thankfully the electriciansConstruction Worker are still awake. We all able to return to sleep at almost 1:00 A.M.. My head is terribly aching Duh at that time and my eyes are already half close No . Nevertheless, I am glad Good Job that there is no damage nor been hurt cause by that small commotion.





Thursday, July 24, 2008

Baby LiaƱa Micci's Baptismal (July 20, 2008)

Last Sunday, July 20, 2008, I attended, with my other officemates, a baptismal ceremony for my friend’s daughter LiaƱa Micci wherein I am one of her godmothers. LiaƱa Micci’s father, Michael Cruz whom I used to call “Pare”, had been my friend way back college School Uniform and was my officemate Cubicles for almost 2 years here in Hanjin Construction. But just a few weeks ago, he resigned from our company to be able to work abroad (in Dubai). So more or less, that occasion might be the last time I will see him before he fly for greener pasture. And I will surely miss him Miss U .

The Baptismal venue is in Angat, Bulacan which is almost 4 hours trip from our jobsite (Subic) so we have hired a Service Van Limo for a comfortable trip. Actually it was the first time I have meet Michael’s family even after many years of friendship. We arrive late in the church and reach there on its last part…..

…….the clapping Clapping Hands part and then the picture taking part Photographer



The Godmothers with LiaƱa Micci carried by her mother, Gladys...

The Godfathers with LiaƱa Micci carried by her father, Michael...

Baby LiaƱa Micci and me... aren't we have some similarities?? Fainting She looks more or less my own daughter... hehehe Belly Laugh







Tuesday, July 22, 2008

Another Teary Night

Last night, he made me cry Sad again Again for the reasons that I don’t know... I hate No this feeling.. If it is really love that people always profess, I don’t understand how they are capable of hurting their love ones Hot Butt .

If loving someone should be this painful, I pray to God that He take all the love from me so I won’t feel the terrible pain Crying 1 in my heart everytime this will happen.

My hands are aching to switch off my phone Cell Phone 4 so I will have reason not to know if he never did return my call.. but a promise is a promise. I have promise to always keep our communication Can't Complain open no matter what happen.

It’s almost midnight when sleep have pity me and finally came. Sleeping Probably it grew tired of listening on my silent cries Blowing Nose .





Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Work Sucks!

This job is becoming monotonous Mean and sooner or later I'll explode on it Crying 2. I am receiving too much stress from subcontractor.. I am becoming their emotional baggage.. i am tired of having a listening ear and then cant do anything abot it. My hands are also tied so I have no other words to tell to them but "I understand you, sir" and "I will try to help you, sir" though I know I wont be able to do anything in it Oh Jeez . Oh gee!! I will turn nuts on this work Making A Wish.





My First Bet in the Game called LOVE

(It’s already 5 am here and still I am wide awake… I hope after writing this cobweb on my head I will be able to finally sleep…. I was supposed to be resting since I am on vacation from work… but where are you sleep??? … don’t you pity me??? please visit me.. come on now, sleep… come to me... Counting Sheep )




I was 23 years old when I first tried playing that game. And like most first time gambler, I am a bit hesitant at first. Before that, my ideals and expectation for my supposed to be playmate are high. I want everything to be in order and want someone whom my family will appreciate and be proud of. I want someone that is if not more than my capabilities but of equal. But cupid is not good to me. He have tried to play on me to teach some lesson. And I have gain my lesson in love on my first bet the hard way Back Stabber .

It was my first out of town project when I met him. It is the first construction team I have handled as a Project Engineer in job site Construction Worker . I was so excited and nervous at the same time coz I know handling that team will be a great challenge for me. And making a bunch of hardheaded and self opinionated man to follow me and respect my decisions will not be an easy job for me. The first 4 weeks of my stay at the job site was not in any way easy. It feels like I am struggling for power and respect against my Foreman. It is hard work that made me earned it from him and from other men. There are still few who have tried to test my knowledge on our work and try to test my courage for being the only girl in our job site. But I remain decisive to show them I am worthy of their respect and though I don't know more than they do but still there are things that I know which they don't know. Later on, working with them while learning more is a great experience for me.

Things are going smoothly, One day my Manager bring a new set of manpower to catch up with our behind schedule. And there, he is one of them. From the first time that I have seen him, I admit I am scared to look at his face. Maybe it is my instinct telling me that he will be causing me great pain later on. I have tried my best to act casually in everyday working with him. I couldn't show I am afraid of him just after I gained respect from my other staffs. Still I tried to interact less to him than to other workers. He is actually a military man Soldier who AWOL in service to give in to his ailing mothers' request. That is maybe the reason why he always stand out and with authority among others.

Work were going well but my Manager seems to be having problem on his finances which makes his visit at our job site less. This affects our salary flow. There were times that he will just sent one of his staff from office to give only half of our payroll cost. Explaining this things to hardworking men who expect their salary to bring home after a week of being away from their family. Some men started to have night vices such as drinking in the nearest pub house. And men when sober with alcohol become unruly and even sometimes forget themselves.

One occassion proves that alcohol will not bring anything good in human when taken in excess happened. It was around 2 a.m. when one men knocks on my room waking me up coz two of our workers were fighting and the other one is holding a knife. I had second thought if I will go out of my room and try to mediate in their fight which being their Engineer is my duty or just remain on my room and let them kill each other. Check this link to know what i did on that night http://jennifercasiano.blogspot.com/2008/04/little-me-in-mens-jungle.html... Sad


After that night which results on dismissing two of my staff. I become more wary in dealing with my staff. To make things worst, responsibility in dealing with problems regarding our project cash flow had been transferred to me as my Manager are most of the time not around. I almost cry daily and been wanting to leave to go home and cry once again to my father’s lap like what I used to do when I was a kid but pride is keeping me to stay. I have to prove something for once. I could not just run away when things break out and run to Daddy all the time. So I stay alone in my grief.

One afternoon while I am inspecting the work we have accomplished on that day (I used to inspect when all men have gone for the day to their barracks), I saw this freshly written words “I LOVE YOU JES-FER” using mango leaves tainting our 3 day-plastered wall. The first thing that runs in my mind is “Oh my God, how am I going to erase this? Bag Head ”, I know someone had play a trick on me coz the word Fer is part of my name Jennifer. I will die in embarrassment Embarrassed if someone saw it and realize it is related to me. While I was looking for something to erase that damn writing on the wall, there I saw him. The scariest man I have ever seen. And that is where the biggest mistake in my life started Crying 2 .


(I have started writing this entry in my blog last April 26, 2008... Thankfully, I have finished this now I Dunno )

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

PWLS-KLIM Girl's 1st Meeting ala Concert

This video was taken last March 30, 2008

I took this video using only my mobile so its reception is a little bit hazy… please bear with me :((..


Meet my PWLS-KLIM/HGGG SISTER’s and join our fun ;)

Its Honey and Mariam singing the song 'Catch Me, I'm Falling

video

Friday, June 27, 2008

Star of the Day.... Jellyfish

May 23, 2008... Beach in Tagkawayan Quezon...

This jellyfish spoils our fun in swimming.... attacks when we are all enjoying.. hmp! Its victims?? My sister Arlene and Niece Janine... so we set in catching it... and this is its poor destiny... our revenge... bwahahaha..:O video